The Crackpot and These Women

So another installment is in high demand apparently. And by high demand I mean 1 or 2 people are asking me to write a new one soon. I had a great weekend, real laid back and low key and dialysis really didn't give me any problems or ideas on Monday. It was in and out, as it were.

 So, what should I write about? That is the question that is plaguing me. 

Time.

 You know, I don't ever think about getting a new kidney. I don't. But what I do think about is what I'm going to do with it. It's like when you were a kid and you knew, at least I did, that you were gonna get a check from your grandparents for your birthday. So in the weeks or days leading up to your birthday you never thought about the check that you knew was coming, but rather what you were gonna spend grandma’s and grandpa’s money on.

 That's what it's like, at least for me personally, being on the transplant list. It's not if, it's when, and it's not even when as much as it's after that you think about.

 When I got my first kidney I was told it would be 20-25 years until I would start back down the transplant road again. That was probably the worst thing anyone could have told me. I was 26 years old and I had at least 20 years of health in front of me. And if this "health" thing is anything like what I was feeling the first day out of the hospital, I could really enjoy it. I had never, literally never, felt so good in my life.

 However, the knowledge that I had 20 years to feel like this before it was gone was telling me to enjoy life now. "Make these 20 years the most fun of your life." That's what I was hearing in my head. My brain was telling me to go out and spend kidney money I didn't have. Which I did. I should have at least tried to go back to school, I belong in school and it's my goal for the future to get back and NEVER leave. I will get every degree they can offer, then turn around and teach those subjects.

 So in lieu of going to school I...

 Yeah, I'm sitting here racking my brain and I can't think of anything I did with my life, and kidney, in the 4 years of good health that I had. I mean I did some things; I went to Vegas, I got engaged and subsequently unengaged, I worked crappy minimum wage jobs. But I didn't do anything. I assumed, which I do a lot, that I had time. I would have time for school, I'd have time to graduate and get a good job, meet someone and start a family.

I was wrong. I did not have that time. But I did have enough time to do something, if not everything. But I floated on the cloud of good health and just went where it took me. If I had known I only had 4 years before I'd be back in hospitals and 5 years before I was back on dialysis, I would have done things so much differently.

But you can't see into the future and you shouldn't spend too much time on the past. The present is what you must see because it's fading so fast.

 Just remember that time is a fluid thing. It flows past you before you know it, so enjoy what you have now. Enjoy what life has given you and don't waste it. You never know when the river of time will end in a fall. As always, I wish you, my readers, good health and great love. And time.