But for one little girl...

One thing someone with an organ failing them thinks a lot about is what they would/will do once they were healthy. I find myself doing it a lot, especially when I see that little girl in the picture. That's my niece Mia.  She's 2 and when I was in the hospital last year and they told me that my transplant was beyond repair and that I would need to go back on dialysis and be re-listed for a transplant I was never more ready to end it all. That sounds horrible to say but after knowing 5 years of health, the only 5 years of real health I'd ever known, I didn't want to go back to what lay ahead. I had seen too much good stuff to go back. Well, obviously I didn't end it, and the first thing I thought of when the shrink asked why I didn't really want to die was that little girl. I want to get a new kidney, and make something of myself that makes that little girl proud of her uncle. So for a lot of those 3 1/2 hours that I'm watching free cable I'm thinking about the future. I try not to think about exactly HOW FAR into the future it may be, but I look to the future for a time when I'm not tied to a machine to keep me from being poisoned by the food I eat, and from drowning in the liquids I drink. Anyway, I thought I'd share that story of a time at the outset of all this when I was not prepared to go on. I'm sure it happens to more than a fair share of those of us in organ failure. Thanks Mia. Your uncle owes you a lot.