It's been a week to remember, or forget, I haven't decided yet. It's funny, in death I've learned a lot about my cousin. He touched so many lives, more than I truly imagined. In reading the messages left to him and the family I've found out things about him, some things I knew others I didn't. He was, to his friends, a source of happiness and humor when they were down. He never had an unkind word for anyone and was always there for his friends. This made me glad to hear. These are things I try to be also and I like to think that maybe that's in our blood. I'm very proud of the man and friend he was. I'm also thankful for the time I had with him and the things I've learned about him this week.
All this death around this week has inevitably gotten me thinking about my own situation. In 2006, 20.1% of American dialysis patients died, either of heart failure or infection. I'm not sure the numbers are much better today. It's not something I've ever really thought about. I've always assumed that I go to dialysis every day and I'll be fine. But that's not necessarily how it works, just how it's supposed to work. I'm not saying that I will ever be one of the 20%, I'm just saying I think it's time to start thinking about it. I've thought a lot about what my legacy would be if something were to happen. It's not a good thought. I mean, I know people would be sad and would mourn and whatnot, but when that's all done what would people remember of me? Hopefully, like Josh, people would remember me as someone who brought humor and comfort to his friends. I'd also like to be remembered as someone who was intelligent and used that intelligence for good (and evil? muah-ha-ha-ha!). I mostly want to be remembered as someone who had a roadblock put in his way and, eventually, got around it and made something of himself.
Anyway, these are things that I'm sure float through the mind of most dialysis patients at least once. Now is my time. I've never really given a thought to my not being around anymore. But with the sudden passing of a loved one it will inevitably take center stage. So, this will be my last entry concerning the happenings of the past week and my morbid thoughts that followed. The next blog (coming soon?) will get back to regularly scheduled programming. Maybe an episode of The Greatest American Hero, that was a good show. So, until then I sincerely, as always, wish you all good health and great love.
